Those three words are said too much; they're not enough.

I'm about to do something I never thought I'd do: I'm leaving the man I love tomorrow evening, provided I actually have a chance to see him in person. There are many reasons, but number one would be that I'm hurting too much, have been hurting too much this past month or so to continue deluding myself and wishing for a future where there clearly won't be one. It's best to cut my losses and move on.

I love him so much. I would have spent the rest of my life with him, had he continued to feel the same. Had he asked. But my vision's no longer clouded, I can see my place in his world has shifted. I can see that he wasn't ready for this. I can see that it's not going to work, as much as I wish otherwise.

I was a rebound.

The truth fucking kills.

This is for the best, but it hurts like hell. I can't do this any longer. I can't keep someone who clearly no longer wants to be kept.

I just want my pain to stop. I wish I could keep him. I wish things had stayed perfect. I wish people didn't change.

I wish he'd talk me out of it when I do, but I know he won't. I know he wants this, he just won't say it.

Nothing good ever lasts forever. I need to stop fooling myself.

I am setting free the thing that means the most to me in this world right now, the person who is my world.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

Wish me the strength to go through with this.

"If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?"

Irony.

I went to a movie Monday with the man I've been seeing for the past several months. We arrived a bit early, so we were sitting in the parking lot in his car for a bit talking and people watching. There was a woman who appeared to be delivering roses to someone at the theater. I made a joke about how he's never gotten me flowers, about how my ex (the man I was married to for five years) had never gotten me flowers the entirety of the relationship, how it was about damn time someone got me some flowers. The woman disapppeared, we eventually went in and watched the movie, the joke was forgotten and buried.

I stepped outside to get my mail yesterday afternoon. On my porch, there were roses. I started crying, thinking that was possibly the sweetest thing ever after my joking conversation the day prior. I grabbed the roses, brought them inside and read the card...

They were from my ex.